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Trapped with no way out!

by JT – 25th Feb 2019

My name is JT and I’m 11. I chose to write about something I try to understand daily – how I perceive my brother’s brain who is autistic.

As I slowly opened my eyes everything felt a little bit different! I looked to my left and I couldn’t see the bedroom door, my TV, my Xbox nothing was the same. I slowly began to sit up feeling a little bit anxious, fear began to creep inside me at the thought of these unfamiliar surroundings! Suddenly I saw these images pass by me – many years ago in nursery with my brother. He was so small and we were playing in the toy kitchen and then went to sit by the sandpit. Suddenly I saw Woody and Buzz followed by Jasmine and Aladdin. We were playing cars and taking photos. In a flash we were in an amusement arcade playing with the 2p machines. Passing by me are so many memories of me my brother, my mum and my dad as I slowly get older. Then along popped another little face  – the face of a baby. It was my sister everyone was happy! Slowly I turned around to see if anyone else was with me . . .

I was alone all I could see behind me was a sign saying TEMPORAL LOBE! I had heard that word before I remember seeing it on a quiz show.

It’s a part of a brain, I’m actually inside a brain! How!? Why!?

I tiptoed in the opposite direction along to a sign saying BRAIN STEM! I began to feel uncomfortable. I was in a new unfamiliar place. I could see messages flying around me

time to get up… get dressed for school… what do you want for breakfast… morning… come on time to get up

These messages were going around and around, each one being repeated over and over again! At the same time I could hear the music coming from the radio, I could hear the TV playing in the background, I could hear my sister’s voice, I could hear my dad…My mum’s alarm was playing Ed Sheeran in the background getting louder and louder. I didn’t like this. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out!

The noises got louder and louder. It started as a whisper and on to the crescendo! I needed to get away but my body was frozen, slowly I could move it felt like I was running in slow motion but gradually my speed increased until I came to yet another sign. This time it said CEREBELLUM. As I walked slowly everything felt different. At times it almost felt as though I was swaying like I was wobbling and going to fall I didn’t feel comfortable here I needed to get away. Surely there was a way out? As I ran I became more and more unsteady on my feet. Was I in a dream? Was I in an unknown dimension? How did I get here? I was really worried… how could I escape?!? Someone please help me! How do I ask as I don’t know what to do. I close my eyes and open them again, I looked around once more to see if there was any doors where could I go? What could I do?

OH MY GOODNESS A DOOR!! Slowly I open the door as I tiptoed inside with excitement of seeing a way out. I was disappointed to see yet another sign – this time it read OPTICAL LOBE! Maybe it could show me a way out. . . .

I carefully looked trying to see if there was anything at all to give me a clue how to escape! There wasn’t. All I could see was everything around me it was so busy it was all blurry, nothing was still! I began to feel slightly dizzy and slightly confused. Nothing normally looked like this! Why did it now? I could see an unfamiliar path as I felt movement up into a building I’ve never seen before. As I entered the building I saw a long corridor. I could feel myself moving yet again travelling down this long corridor, twists and turns, until suddenly I could see a desk in front of me and lots of unfamiliar faces. On the desk was yet another sign PARIETAL LOBE. On the desk I could see a book , which had lots of words . I could hear words being read out loud to me , it didn’t matter how many times these words were read, they were all just words. Nothing made sense. I could hear a voice asking questions…

“why did Romeo do that?” “which family started the war?”

How on earth would I know? Everything is just random words, nothing makes sense! I felt a hand touch my back, I didn’t like it I felt uncomfortable I felt myself jumping away! Inside my head I could feel a sense of time passing by but I didn’t know how much time had gone? How much time is left?

What was this place? I didn’t like it! I had to move and I saw yet another sign! FRONTAL LOBE. Frontal? Does this mean I’m near the front? Maybe an exit awaits! Lots of people came to talk to me! What should I say to them how should I respond? I was asked “are you ok?” What should I say? how should I reply I’m confused?

Another voice asked me what I’d like to do. I didn’t know what to say. Suddenly out of nowhere I felt myself jumping up and down as my arms slowly began to move! This isn’t me – whose brain am I in? Everything is so different here, everything makes me so confused! I hate it. I want to be home, I want to be sat on my bed talking to my family, playing my Xbox. I just want my life back!

I laid myself down. I tucked my knees up tight to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them to pull them in close as I cuddled my own knees. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as my eyes were slowly beginning to close.


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