Why me?

My whole life I’ve questioned

• Why me?
• Why do I have to feel different?
• Why do I feel like the odd one out? 
• Why does it have to be me?

My whole life I’ve felt different but not different in a way that I would feel excluded from everyone else, not so different that I felt like I wasn’t like anyone else in the world. But not so “normal” that I could fit in with everyone else around me. Not so “normal” that I could do things right and feel like I was like people my age.

I have always felt I’ve been stuck in the middle of something. Like I’m not autistic enough to be autistic but I’m not “normal” enough to be neurotypical. From being diagnosed as what I would consider quite early for a female diagnosis- I feel very lucky to have been diagnosed at 12.

However, the feeling of feeling different and having a label sprung on me gave me mixed emotions. What would people think? Am I even more different now? Would people like me? Would people think I’m odd? Would people judge? Millions of emotions and feelings filled my mind. The thought of already feeling different and then having a label thrown on me was quite an odd feeling. I’ve always been convinced I was the odd one out and that I feel things differently to other people. I think this is due to the stigma surrounding the diagnosis of autism and types of things surrounding neurodiversity.

8 years later

I’m 20 now. Even in 2025 we still have these outdated and toxic views on the topic of autism and autistic people. Why are we seen and made to feel different? I am just like everyone else! I just feel things in different ways and view the world slightly differently to others. People have a preconceived idea of what autism is, almost an image in their mind of what someone with Autism looks like.

What do you think someone with autism looks like?

How do you think someone with autism would behave and act? How do you think someone with autism feels? There’s one answer here….. you don’t!! Everyone with autism experiences things differently! Autism is like a scale, a big long graph that goes up and down and round and round. Everyone with autism experiences things in a way that you would not be able to describe. Every experience and every life is unique and full of twists and turns and things that you would not begin to imagine. You will never find two people with Autism who are the same. They may experience similar things but each persons life living with autism is their own and no one can take that away from them.

My autism

In relation to my autism, part of me hates it. Part of me hates how different I feel and how I feel unable to cope in certain situations and how I can’t do particular things that people my age can. Part of me feels distant from the world and like no one understands me. However, there’s that small fraction of me who is grateful to have the diagnosis. For little 12 year old me who was petrified and wanted answers to why she felt like she did.

So I’m glad I got my answers and my clarity as to why I feel the way I do. Part of me is super grateful as I feel like I have a super power of feeling things and emotions more intensely than any neurotypical person can. My senses are heightened and I can feel things like emotions so deeply. I love that about me. I love how much I care for others and how empathetic I am and how I like to give people compliments as seeing them smile gives me so much joy and pleasure and makes me smile. So yes I’m glad I’ve got the diagnosis as it enabled me to gain the support I have had along the years, it gave me answers and it made me feel like it wasn’t just ‘in my head’, there was a reason why I feel like I do.

So what do I want people to know about autism?

• Treat us how you want to be treated. We are human like you and we have just as much of a right as you to feel appreciated and secure in our lives.
• Don’t assume we can’t do things because of our diagnosis. We will tell you what we can’t do. We are very smart people.
• Listen to us. Listen to what it is we struggle with, what would help us feel better and what would make us feel worse/ upset us.
• Ask about our autism. Don’t assume everyone with Autism is the same. We can talk and tell you about us. Just because you think you know one person with autism don’t assume you know another.
• Be kind!!

If you are autistic yourself and are scared of telling people like I was, here’s my advice. You are you! There’s no one else on this world quite like you! You are unique! You are kind! You are special! You are you! Just because you are autistic, doesn’t mean you are less worthy or less deserving of love and appreciation than anyone else.

Go ahead tell people, tell them how it affects you, tell them what helps and what doesn’t. And if they don’t like it then tell them it’s not your problem!! A label shouldn’t change how they feel about you. No label, no diagnosis, no formal terms, can change you! YOU are wonderful just the way you are and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

And anyway why fit in and be boring like everyone else when you were born to stand out and spread your sparkle around the world and make the world a better place just by you being it!

So next time we ask ‘why me?’, let’s remember it’s because we’re strong enough to overcome anything and we were born to change the world!

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