Help Social communication, play & ND
What do we mean by social communication and play?
Social communication refers to the way we interact with others, both verbally and non-verbally, e.g. tone of voice, facial expressions and turn taking. We learn how to interact with others from a very young age through play, such as, playing peekaboo, and with toys together. As we grow, this play becomes more complex, helping us learn more about the world and how to interact with others, e.g. imaginative role play and group games. This play and social interaction then leads to building social relationships with others.
Social communication, play and ND
Social communication and play styles can develop differently in neurodivergent (ND) individuals.This can be confusing and challenging for these individuals as neurodivergent and neurotypical social interaction and play styles may not be compatible with each other. This can lead to the neurodivergent individual feeling misunderstood, isolated and/or struggle to maintain relationships.
It is important for everyone, both neurotypical and neurodivergent, to understand and accept different styles of communication and play and to value these differences. If children/young people hear negative comments about their communication, e.g. they “don’t play with other kids” or “they talk too much”, it can be damaging to self-esteem; this can lead to anxiety and masking.
How play might look in neurodivergent children/young people
Play can focus more on how the object/toy works, looks and feels rather than playing with it in an imaginary way. This may include the individual examining the wheels on a toy car and spinning them, instead of pushing it along the floor to drive it around.
Actions and play may be repeated, sometimes lots of times over and over again. This may bring a lot of joy and feel fun to the individual, help them feel relaxed or just feel satisfying!
It may feel particularly interesting and/or enjoyable to see how the object feels, tastes, smells and sounds, or how it feels to throw it and bounce it.
Playing alone may be relaxing and enjoyable, more so than playing with, or near, another individual or peer.
Organising, sorting and lining objects up in systematic and methodical ways may be particularly enjoyable, more so than making the objects move around or interact with each other in an imaginary world.
Taking on the lead role in play with more control of the situation and what happens can be more comfortable for some neurodivergent individuals. This makes the situation more predictable and enjoyable for them; they are more able to focus the play on their own interests and utilise their own play and communication styles.
Alternatively, some individuals may find leading the play or interaction challenging or uncomfortable and may prefer to follow others’ play and direction.
Whether the individual prefers to lead or follow the play will depend on lots of different things, including their own personality and characteristics as well as each individual context.
How non-verbal communication might look in neurodivergent children/young people
Eye contact can feel very uncomfortable for some neurodivergent individuals, or just not very meaningful. This may mean neurodivergent individuals avoid eye contact or naturally just don’t make much eye contact with others.
A smaller range of gestures or body language may be used, or used in different ways to what is typically expected, e.g. not following finger pointing to look at things or not using pointing (especially in younger children), facing away from the listener while they are speaking. It can also be more challenging for these individuals to understand gestures and body language used by others.
Differences in body language may also be linked to sensory processing differences (see sensory processing page ; the individual may need to move more during conversation, or sit/move around in a certain way to keep focused or feel comfortable. However, these body movements may seem a little different to others.
Neurodivergent individuals may typically have more neutral facial expressions, with less varied and explicit emotional facial expressions. Additionally, some facial expressions may be used in different ways to what is typically expected, e.g. smiling when worried/anxious. Facial expressions used by others can also be more challenging to understand and interpret.
Neurodivergent individuals can use particularly neutral tones of voice, with a typically small range of tones, sometimes referred to as ‘monotone’. This can vary greatly between individuals though, with some neurodivergent individuals using a wide range of tones in their voices but sometimes in unexpected ways and ways that don’t always match the message they are trying to give for a neurotypical listener. It can also be challenging for neurodivergent individuals to understand the intended meaning in other people’s tone of voice
How physically close an individual likes to be to another person can be different in some neurodivergent individuals. Some individuals, particularly younger children, can enjoy a lot of physical contact and closeness; others may prefer to keep more distance between themselves and others because touching others may feel uncomfortable. It can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals to understand others’ preferences and boundaries of physical contact, as well as what is socially appropriate or preferred by others in the context, e.g. how close to stand near a friend, stranger, a teacher.
How conversation styles might look in neurodivergent children/young people
Neurodivergent individuals may talk for longer periods of time, particularly about things they find interesting or enjoy (this is sometimes referred to as “info-dumping”). This can be a great strength, showing their deep knowledge and interest in something. It can also be challenging if they do not have the time and space to do so, or their listener is not as interested as they are.
The excitement to share their interests can lead to interrupting others, or overlapping others’ conversations.
When an individual is thinking about lots of things at once and is keen to share their thoughts and knowledge, they can change the topic often and suddenly during conversation. This can allow them to share a lot of information in a short space of time but it can also be hard for listeners to keep up with and follow.
Neurodivergent individuals can find ‘small talk’ meaningless and challenging. They can often prefer to talk more directly about their interests and show great passion and focus on these areas.
Using a direct style of communication can feel uncomfortable for some neurotypical individuals; this mis-match can lead to neurodivergent individuals being seen as ‘blunt’ or even rude. However, this is often not the intention and is just a difference in communication styles.
Mental/cognitive processing and executive functioning (see executive functioning page ) differences can change the way you talk and communicate. Neurodivergent individuals often need more time to process language, need more repetition and sometimes need more time to give a response/think about what they want to say back.
We need to become neurodiversity-informed, so we can begin to disrupt ableist practices and transform early childhood experiences for neurodivergent and disabled children. They are not problems to be fixed but individuals to be understood
A guide to neurodiversity in the early years, Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families, 2023)
Types of communication
While many individuals use verbal language as their main form of communication, there are other ways to communicate that are just as valid and meaningful. All types of communication should be accepted and valued, not prioritising spoken language above others.
- Picture/ symbol exchange When a child/young person does not use verbal language, or finds it challenging to use verbal communication in certain situations, it can help to use pictures or symbols. These pictures/symbols can be shown to, or exchanged with, others to express different messages. This could include sharing something they’re excited about, requesting something, e.g. a snack, or a break, or to express an idea, thought or emotion.
- Makaton/ signing Spoken language can be supported/aided by hand signs. Signing systems, such as Makaton, can significantly support understanding and use of verbal language. Makaton supports the signing of key words in communication, with limited grammar, such as tenses or gender pronouns.
Signing aid systems, including Makaton, are communication aids.
These are different and separate to non-verbal sign languages, such as BSL (British Sign Language) which are complete natural languages, with extensive and complex vocabulary and grammar, rather than just being a supplementary aid. BSL is used predominantly by Deaf individuals or those with limited hearing. - Stimming, also known as self-stimulatory behaviour, is repetitive movements which help to regulate the nervous system. Stimming can soothe the body when in distress/dysregulated, or can help express joy or excitement. Everyone, including neurotypical people, can ‘stim’. The difference is that it is a lot more common and frequent in neurodivergent people. Stimming should never be prevented (unless it is self-injurious*), as it is a form of regulation/self-soothing, communication or expression of neurodivergent joy! Stimming and movement can also help concentration and focus, having a higher need for more stimulation in their sensory systems. For example, tapping fingers, bouncing or swinging legs, biting pens/pencils, skin picking, hair twiddling, vocal stims etc. *Some stims can be a form of self-injurious behaviour, which can be harmful e.g., chewing inside of cheeks, hair pulling. Although these stims support self-regulation, they are also causing harm to yourself. Where possible, alternative non-harmful stims should be supported.
- AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) describes a wide range of communication aids to help individuals understand others and express themselves. AAC may include using gesture and signing; low-tech aids such as symbols, word boards and communication boards and books; or ‘hi-tech’ aids such as electronic communication aid devices that have voice outputs.
- Writing/ drawing Writing and/or drawing out what you want to say can be a really helpful tool in supporting your message or to help you express something that is complex to explain verbally alone. This can be done with simple pen and paper, whiteboards or on technology devices.
- Total Communication The principle of ‘Total Communication’ is for the individual to use any form of communication that they have, to support their understanding and expression, such as, language, gesture, sign, drawing, facial expression and mime. The idea is that any means of communication is valuable as long as it works for that person.
Support strategies
- Do not demand that a child/young person verbally speaks to you, if they are more comfortable with another form of communication, e.g. gesture, picture.
- It is more important for that individual to feel safe and valued than what form of communication they use. As they feel more confident they may be able to use a wider variety of communication methods
It is important to step back at times and just observe your child – What do they enjoy doing? How do they like to play? How do they like to communicate and interact with others? Ask them how they like to communicate and play, if they are able to share this, what works for them and what doesn’t?
Knowing and understanding these things can help you to match their social communication and play, and to join them in a way that makes them feel comfortable and valued.
For example, if they like to lie on the floor and spin car wheels then you can join them in that. They make like to hum or sing as they do this – join in with them, using language and communication at their level.
If they prefer to have deep and detailed conversations about their interests rather than engaging in small talk, you can set time aside for this and show them how valuable their knowledge is.
Following your child’s interests can really help to engage them in play or conversation, and help to connect with them. It can also really motivate them to engage in learning activities. For example, if a child/young person loves Lego, to use Lego in Maths activities, or to help create stories in English.
You could do a treasure hunt with Lego models at home, build Lego models together or draw Lego models together. Ask your child what they would like to do, if they are able to share this, and give them choices in activities.
Playing with and/or talking about your child’s favourite toys/topics shows them that you are interested in them and their interests.
This will provide more opportunities for them to share their interests and thoughts with you about something that makes them feel safe and happy.
Intensive Interaction is a practical approach designed to support early communication and interaction. This approach can be used with a wide range of individuals including both those who are non-speaking and verbal. See more information about Intensive Interaction on this Children’s Speech and Language Therapy Toolkit leaflet
Social Stories are often useful for children and young people who find social situations confusing and challenging. They provide information on social situations (e.g. talking to strangers) and can also help children and young people understand why certain activities need to be done (e.g. washing). The book ‘The New Social Story Book’ by Carol Gray provides a helpful introduction.
See more information about Social Stories on this Toolkit leaflet.
If a child/young person is confused about a social situation, take some time to discuss it and help them understand what happened/what could go better next time. Using comic strip conversations can really help with this – draw the situation out like a comic strip. Comic strip conversations help to visually explain and understand social situations, conversations and interactions and the thoughts/feelings of both themselves and others. The child/young person should be supported to lead the descriptions and drawings where possible, with support from the adult to understand the more challenging parts of social communication and interaction where appropriate.
See more information about comic strip conversations on this Toolkit leaflet
If a child/young person is taking long turns in conversation but there is limited time for them to do so, politely tell them that you are interested in what they are saying but that you need to move on right now. You could write it down to ask them about at a better time, or ask them to write about it for you to read later, if they are able to.
It is important for all individuals, but particularly neurodivergent individuals, to understand themselves, their differences, their strengths, their challenges and their needs. The more a child/young person understands these things about themselves, the more they can feel confident in sharing these with others and advocating for their own needs.
Encourage conversations with your child/young person about what makes them them, what their strengths are, their challenges and their needs. We are all different and it is ok to ask for things that you need.
- “Don’t just tell me, show me!” – back up all verbal information with visual information, e.g. visual pictures, objects, actions, colour coding and diagrams to help with understanding and remembering.
- Colour coding and using visual symbols can also help with understanding and remembering verbal information.
- Slow down. Give the child/young person extra time to understand what you’ve said and for them to think about what they want to say.
- Try not to interrupt them or finish their sentence for them.
Changes in daily routine, activities or environments can often be challenging for neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with language and social communication differences.
It can really help to warn individuals of the change ahead of time, if possible. Using pictures/visuals to help explain this information can also be really helpful. Repetition of the information can also be helpful.
It is not always possible to predict all changes in day-to-day life though. In these unexpected cases, try to have activities, actions or objects ready to help keep the child/young person calm, e.g. sensory toys, singing favourite songs or breathing exercises. Explain the change to them as clearly and calmly as possible, giving them lots of time to understand and process the information.
Where possible, use visual information/pictures to support their understanding and processing.
Links and resources you might find useful
Intensive interaction
Intensive Interaction is a practical approach designed to support early communication and interaction. This approach can be used with a wide range of individuals including both those who are non-speaking and verbal.
Go to Intensive Interaction websiteSocial Stories
Carol Gray is the creator of Social Stories and provides more information about Social Stories here
Go to websiteMore from National Autistic Society
The National Autistic Society have further helpful information about Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations
Go to websiteSpeech and Language Therapist
Although the information focuses on autism, Emily (autistic Speech and Language Therapist, SLT) shares helpful neurodivergent affirming recommendations, including those for social communication.
Go to website